jueves, 10 de diciembre de 2009

LAS COSAS QUE NUNCA DIJE


Dicen que lo que no te mata te fortalece, también dicen que no hay mal que por bien no venga o la típica frase cliché que a la letra dice “las cosas pasan por algo”. En realidad solo hay que saber afrontar las penas.
Un día desperté y decidí escribir una carta de desquite o desahogo y ¿por que la llamo de desquite o desahogo?, porque no encontré mejor manera de decir las cosas ya que nunca se lo pude decir en persona.
Estoy aquí escuchando una canción, de esas que hacen que todos tus recuerdos por mas escondidos que estén afloren a la superficie, todos esos momentos que pase junto a ti, las calles en donde caminamos, la esquina oscura en donde sin repara alguno te robaba todos los besos que quería y de las que tu sin reparo me los dabas.
Si, yo se de tus problemas, de las cosas que pasan en tu vida; yo estaba dispuesto a hacer de tus problemas también los míos, pero no lo quisiste, alegabas a tu vasta experiencia y condenabas mi pueril pensamiento (eso según tu), a mi inexperiencia. Pues creo que la edad cronológica no determina cuanta experiencia tengas en la vida, si no de cuanto hayas vivido y como has de afrontar tus problemas.
Siempre te dije que te quise, que estaba dispuesto a hacer lo imposible por ti, que eras especial para mi pero no basto, no se por que me aceptaste si no sentías nada por mi, ¿tan ingenuo me creías? Bueno ingenuo tal ves por que creí todo lo que me decías. No lo voy a negar que me ENCANTO tenerte a mi lado aunque sea mintiéndome, sabia además que lo nuestro era bastante complejo como resolver un problema de calculo diferencial pero estaba dispuesto a ser parte de la teoría de LAMARK, por si no lo entiendes es la ley del cual sobrevive el mas apto.
Pero no todo fue malo con respecto a este forzado rompimiento, sin duda me hizo sentir cosas que no pensé sentirlas, agradecer un montón de cosas como por ejemplo el recibir a un extraño en tu casa y hacerle sentir que era parte de tu familia, gracias por los momentos que nunca podre sacar de mi mente y siempre vivirán atormentándome, gracias por enseñarme tus costumbres y hacerlas mías, gracias también por nunca llamarme, gracias por no acordarte de mi, gracias por abandonarme, gracias por no escribirme para saber por lo menos como me encontraba, gracias por inducirme a hacer cosas que, en mi sano juicio, no lo hubiera hecho, gracias por irte sin decirme nada y por hacer añicos mi “pueril” corazón pero por sobre todo GRACIAS por nunca quererme y por mentirme por decirme cosas que nunca las sentiste, esas cosas son las que nunca olvidare y siempre viviré recordando hasta el fin de mis días, no pienses que te estoy reclamando, en su momento lo quise hacer pero ahora no vale la pena me encuentro mejor, mas repuesto y con ganas de recuperar el tiempo perdido esas cosa solo quería decir o mas bien dicho plasmar en un documento del office, si alguna cosa me olvido ya estaré escribiendo en otra ocasión…si

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Que tal compadre. Me di mi tiempo para leer tu blog y de verdad que me parece que hay una evolución tuya en materia de lucidez expositiva y emocional. Sin embargo, salta a la vista que el que hablabas tú con un menoscabado escepticismo fue un apegamiento muy fuerte a una persona en especial. El corazón siempre va a estar expuesto a hendiduras y rasguños propios de la naturaleza conflictiva de la vida, pero no por eso podemos dejarlo caer cauto al abismo de lo estrictamente emocional e ilusorio, pensando con sanguijuelas del corazón, que el amor, en forma exclusiva y con un protagonismo de odisea, puede superar cualquier obstáculo por más recio que éste sea.

Lo importante, y que gustoso he leído, es que has sabido resarcirte de un episodio que nunca tuvo nada de genial y que todo, afortunadamente, fueron formas que hicieron parecer un camino asfaltado hacia el amor y la felicidad, pero que hay que ser conscientes y valientes para darse cuenta que solo fueron buenas voluntades que no tenían lugar en lo real. Hay que ser nobles y aceptar que erramos, que nos ilusionamos pronto, y que la puerilidad está en eso y no en otras formas distintas, muchos menos en la edad.

Ahora esto nos permite levantar la cabeza y brindar con un buen vaso de cerveza por los corazones buenamente suturados.

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